A COVID Quarantine for 5 in a One-Bedroom Apartment

Starting with Sean’s fever last Sunday afternoon, COVID hit the Craig family. As I write this, it’s been exactly a week since got Sean’s positive COVID test result. Since then, we have all experience a combination of the following symptoms (and maybe more, but we can only tell the symptoms that Elena is showing!):

· Fever

· Headache

· Fatigue

· Sore Throat

· Runny Nose

· Stuffy Nose

· Vomiting (only once and only one person thanks be to God!)

· Lower back pain

· Congestion

· Cough

· Overall case-of-the-crankies

We are grateful that none of the symptoms were too severe and the gift of having two parents at home meant we could trade off parenting duties to get some rest. Below are some reflections from this week – partially as a way of sharing our COVID experience and partially as a way to help me process all that happened over a week long one-bedroom COVID quarantine with 5 people!

1.) There is a lot of joy

Elena is bouncing and giggling on the two mattresses we have set up in the living room. The cuteness factor is even higher because she’s wearing a bear onesie and peppermint stick sweatpants. Yet it took both focus to see this and a sense of peace to receive it as her brothers were zooming all around her. Seth and Sean would dash at the mattresses and it looked like she would go flying, but she continued to bounce with glee.

This is just one of the moments, that when I took the space to see it, was filled with joy, laughter and delight. I can be quick to assume that those moments are not available as my head is pounding and all I want to do is lay down. However, I don’t need to manufacture a situation for joy so much as receive the joy and the delight that so often pours forth from these kids.

· The laughter from a game of post dinner tag

· The delight of seeing a bath bomb fizz and then color the water orange

· The excitement of getting a gift in the mail from Aunt Alissa

· The beauty of Sean saying thank you and Seth sharing a toy

· Quiet moments of snuggles with Sean – and not squirming snuggles, but still snuggles.

These moments are surely here too when we’re healthy and not in quarantine. I hope I can take time each day to see the joy that’s here. The cost is usually just slowing down and truly seeing the amazing people I live with!

2.) Quarantine is hard

Emily and I were often asked how it’s possible to have 2 kids in a New York City one bedroom apartment. And then we had Elena during COVID. In some ways, the answer hasn’t changed – we just make it work. This week we have found this to be increasingly challenging as this one-bedroom apartment has been the only space we have and we are all sick.

During a normal weekday the boys will spend about an hour together in the living room to start the day before getting breakfast. After breakfast I’ll take Sean and Elena on a run and the next time all three kids are in the living room together will be after school around 4:30pm. After dinner we have some dancing and sports before moving into the bedtime routine. On any given weekday this equates to about 2-3 hours of time with all three kids together in the living room. Furthermore, about half of that time includes watching TV.

Our COVID schedule was something closer to this:

· Tim wakes up with the boys at 5:40 and attempts to keep them quiet as long as possible so Emily can sleep in. Elena usually joins in the fun around 7.

· After Emily wakes up, Tim retreats into the bedroom. All three kids remain in the living room.

· There is some variation of parental rotation throughout the day as we seek the relative peace and quiet of the bedroom for our aches and headaches. Sometimes a louder than usual crash or scream will rouse us from the peace and quiet of the bedroom.

· Meals are spent in the kitchen/dining room

· Other unusual moments of peace occur when the two boys decide that reading books on the toilet together is a good plan. I have no complaints – I value both reading and brotherly unity.

· Somehow at the end of every day, the kids are in bed and asleep at 7:30, at which point Emily and I collapse on the couch.

· Elena senses this opportunity and wakes up twenty minutes later snotty and coughing to rouse us from our passed out state.

Using some rough calculations, instead of the normal 2-3 hours spent all together in the living room, we had approximately 42 hours a day together in the living room. The screaming, whining, hitting, crying, whining, asking, and nagging added up with compound interest on our headaches. My lofty goals to grow as a father during 2022 have been brought to a quick and humbling halt through this difficult week.

This change in circumstances (which for the record makes the challenging behavior from the kids completely understandable) has served as a mirror for the poverty of my own patience, compassion, and gentleness as well as the limits of my parenting skills. With the numerous behavior issues, I really wanted to blame my children. However, they too were sick, tired, and frustrated from not being able to leave our apartment. Not to mention, they too had to spend 57 hours a day with a sick, tired, and frustrated dad.

3.) Isolated, but not alone

I remember asking my dad a lot when I was a kid if we were rich or not. His answer always upset me, yet now as a parent, I find myself repeating it to my children. I’m not sure if I should thank my dad or apologize to my kids. “Tim, in the Bible, they used to measure wealth by how many children you had. So by those accounts, we are very rich.” I had no idea how the same brothers who annoyed me could possibly contribute to us being rich. Wealth was measured this way because if you had many children, they could both work the land and care for you as you aged. Having a community like this was a very real source of wealth!

This past week, as we’ve wrestled in isolation with COVID, the gift and beauty of our community has been incredibly evident. Our church was quick to set us up with some meals, friends reached out before COVID hit the whole family to send groceries and make sure that we were supplied in isolation and even after we were completely cared for, people continued to send gifts and groceries. There were also friends who brought an additional humidifier over to Elena could breathe better and offered to pick up groceries for us if Instacart failed! Furthermore, there were countless more who prayed for us and sent encouraging texts checking in on us throughout the ordeal.

We were isolated, but not alone. As the week dragged on the despair seemed to compound as the isolation wore all of us down. However, these messages felt like hugs, high fives, and hope. What a gift to not be alone. I would encourage you to send a text checking on a friend today. It’s possible that little message will act like a virtual hug in a season where we all need more hugs.

(Also, for the astute reader, you will notice that reflections 2 and 3 seem to be at odds. "Tim, you spent 87 hours a day with 3 kids, that’s not even close to alone." This is both accurate and inaccurate.)

Concluding thoughts:

Most of the foundation from these reflections springs from my morning liturgy. Almost every morning I pray through a list of prayers I’ve compiled over the past five years. It can be hard for me to see these prayer getting answered in the day to day moments. Sometimes it can even feel like the prayer was anti-answered! Yet, when I take some time and step back, over and over again I see the ways God has been shaping and forming me through these prayers every morning. I’m grateful that God is patient and faithful; willing to work over the course of months and years. Below are the prayers that are connected to each of these reflection points:

There is a lot of joy!

“Jesus, what are you trying to give me by being in the present? What obstacles are keeping me from being in the present moment?”

“I have come that you may have life and have it to the full” – John 10:10

Quarantine is hard!

“The Serenity Prayer”

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

Amen.

Isolated, but not alone

“O Lord, soften my heart I pray. May I not be numb to the very real pain in me and in others. Have mercy on me Lord and soften my heart. Bring your pain to Jesus. Don’t try to do this alone.”