A moment of pure joy with Sean. DIP 9.

The tight embrace with Sean was easily the highlight of my week, and maybe a top ten moment this year. He pressed in out of deep joy in sharing this moment and accomplishment with me, and the joy truly exuded through his body and out with his smile. What was striking to me was how close I came to missing this moment. While I wouldn't have missed physically seeing Sean get across the monkey bars, I was close to missing the full impact those 8 bars carried.

Sean practicing - it was unseasonably warm and he started the shirtless trend.

Sean is one of the most determined and focused people I know. This shows up in all sorts of ways. For example, we do "treat night" every other night in our household, which at this time of year means a piece of candy from Halloween. So naturally Sean asks if it's treat night EVERY night. Why not ask if there's a chance of a bonus piece of candy?

In case you're wondering where on earth Sean might get these traits, let me draw your attention to a story from my junior year of high school. I was under-challenged in my math class (the teacher started the year putting the homework assignment on the board at the beginning of class, but stopped once she realized I wasn't listening in class and was just completing the homework). One day she made the mistake of playing the first half of "Stand and Deliver" a movie about an LA math teacher. Since we didn't finish the movie, I asked if we were finishing it the next day. And the next day. And Monday after the weekend, the next day, and the next day. This went on for months until we finished the movie. I'm sorry Ms. Engle.

So it's safe to say Sean gets this from Emily.

Sean will also throw himself whole heartedly into projects that he deems to be worthy. This could be painting something a school, creating a building out of a tissue box or experimenting with the what water and bubbles do in the sink. Watch out if you get in the way of his focus.

Perhaps the place of greatest determination for Sean is sports. He sees Seth do something, or a professional athlete do something and he wants to do it "right now". This could be something as simple as making a basketball hoop on our Fischer Price hoop, or something as challenging as juggling a soccer ball on his knees.

The monkey bars have been a nemesis for Sean since he could walk and hang. He's spent his childhood watching other kids on the playground guide across the monkey bars with ease, fluidity and rhythm. When it goes well, it seems like anyone could do it! Yet it takes quite a bit of balance, strength, and grip. This has always been hard for Sean who would see Seth climb around freely and struggle to simply hold onto the bar.

But we would try and try again. When there was a bar to hang onto, he would jump up and hold on as long as he could. And he would get frustrated that he couldn't do the monkey bars yet. He didn't trust his grip and strength and so wouldn't let go in the ways needed to make it to the next rung. And he would try and try again.

He was getting big enough that the "daddy holds you up" version was becoming difficult for me to manage as Sean got a feel for the rhythm of it. There were numerous temper tantrums and fits as he failed over and over again at his goals.

As I father I both wanted to encourage this determination and practice. I believe that most good things come through hard work (think trombone in a practice room) and am delighted to see Sean persevere.

I also find it hard to be patient with the frequent outbursts. I don't want to console a screaming child. I would prefer that Sean sees the big picture, understands the importance of practice, the time it takes to build muscle and coordination, and then submits to the normal timeline of monkey bar improvement. Some frustration is certainly warranted, but not a temper tantrum.

I could highlight many childhood occurrences that reveal where Sean gets this from. It's not Emily. Let's just say that I've broken headphones, CDs and a trombone in my frustration in the past. Sean, you come by it naturally.

And yet, the pure joy Sean and I experienced together was not just the result of the past 10 seconds and 8 monkey bars conquered. It was the cultivation of the months and even years of practice and work. Sean worked hard and saw it pay off. He had actually already done it the day before, but specifically requested this playground so he could share the joy with me.

I would have missed this joy if I missed the trantrums.

I would have missed this joy if I missed the screaming, yelling and tears.

I would have missed this joy if I belittled his frustration and told him to get over it.

I would have missed this joy if I chose to distract instead of being present to the hard moments and the good.

I'm deeply grateful that Sean would invite me into this experience of joy.

It makes me wonder - where are the places in your life where pure joy might be just on the other side of a present frustration? What will it take for you to be present to the frustration so you can also be present to the joy?

Sometimes Miles Morales needs to practice the monkey bars too!