Em said/Seth said - Just getting milk

I just needed to buy milk. Only milk. Simple, right? Wouldn’t that be nice.

I knew it would not be a simple task to take my three children (ages 6, 3 and 1) into the store and just buy milk. Which is why as soon as I realized we were running out of milk on Monday afternoon, I began preparing myself to prepare Seth for this trip.

A walk with Seth is often more parkour than walk

Seth is full of grand ideas and he wants to maximize fun. He’s certainly not alone! This makes him both incredibly fun to be around, but also creates many points of tension. I’ve learned that he needs me to both give him boundaries and “yes” spaces in order to help him thrive. Today, I knew loving boundaries were crucial. Em Said: “Today we are going to go into the store to buy milk. We will not be getting anything else today or looking at the toys. We are just buying milk.” {Repeat twice on our walk to the store} Seth said: “Okay.”

Sean said:

“Otay!”

Preparing to just get milk

I confidently entered the store and went back to the milk section. Seth said: “Mom, can we get this?” as he pointed to a surprise egg. Sigh. No time for weakness! I took a moment to make sure I could speak with confidence and grace.

Em said:

“No, not today. We are just getting milk, my love.”

Seth said:

“But mom, these are so good!”

Em said:

“I know you want this, but today we are just getting milk.”

Said said:

“Can we please get these!?” {simultaneously touching all the items on a shelf within reach}

Em said:

“No, I know it’s hard. They look really tasty. But today we are just buying milk. Come walk with me to the register.”

Seth said:

“Can we please get this Milky Way? Can you ask how much it is? I really like these!”

Em said:

“The sign says it’s a dollar and twenty-five cents. I can see that you really want that. That makes sense! But today we are just getting milk.”

It’s easy to tell myself the narrative that Seth’s not listening to me—we talked about the plan and he should be able to stick to it. But as I continue to learn about child development (why didn’t I do this hard work before having kids??), I now understand that Seth is truly acting on impulse. He didn’t concoct a plan to wear me down. He is simply looking around, seeing what advertisers are hoping he will see, and responding to what he sees. And it is my job to lovingly guide him rather than judge him, because as in the words of Seth “It’s just so hard being little.” We can laugh at that statement as adults but if we put ourselves in children’s shoes, it really is!

While he is not concocting a plan, I’m realizing I need to be very intentional in how I speak to Seth. I need to plan! I need to pray each day that God would help me give soft answers that turn away anger. I too am impulsive and prone to inappropriate anger that I am ashamed to admit I have. But, as I invest in praying for the fruit of the Spirit to fill our home and hearts each night with my kids, and listen to parenting podcasts to help me feel empowered to lead my children well, I am fighting these impulses. I am not perfect by any means. Each day I have the choice to do what’s right or what comes most natural to me. And as I do this, the right choice becomes more natural.

P.S We left the store with just milk. Success!

What "just milk" looks like!