Saying "Yes" on the Sabbath - Dad In Progress 3

I say "no" a lot to my kids. Some of these "no's" are valid and good. Some of these "no's" are because I'm being lazy!

"No Elena, don't color on our router. No coloring on the wall. No crayon for you Elena."

"No Sean, don't hit your brother. No, don't throw your drill at the wall! No! Not Seth either!"

"Seth, No! Don't jump on the couch. No, don't jump onto the couch. Don't jump off the couch."

I only realized how much I say "no" when I attempted to say "yes" as much as possible this Sabbath. I'll likely write more about Sabbath another time - It's like a day off each week from God where you get to stop, rest, delight, and contemplate. My goal today was to bring as much delight as possible to the kids. This is an echo of a challenge my friend CC mentioned about Sabbath years ago, "I try to say 'yes' as much as I can on the Sabbath to my boys!" Thanks CC!

This was also a different approach to me as I noticed I've been more concerned with my delight than my kids on the Sabbath. Would saying "yes" to delight for them contribute to my own delight?

The morning started at 5:40 for Seth. My first "yes" came a minute after Seth woke up.

"Want to Beyblade battle with me dad?"

"Well, I need to...Wait! (remembering what I promised to myself). Yes, I will. Be there soon Seth, let me grab some coffee."

Beyblades I bought for myself so I could join in on the fun!

Usually I spend time in prayer and journaling to start the morning. This Saturday, it started with spinning tops attacking each other powerfully until one explodes or stops spinning. It's a ton of fun! That "yes" was a delight for Seth and me!

Sean joined the morning around 6:20 and I attempted to preempt some delight. "Who wants a granola bar?" Two "yeses" from the boys and a smooth start for Sean. Another "yes" and more mutual delight.

"Do you guys want Gatorade or orange juice with breakfast?" The boys had some left over Gatorade in the fridge and were delighted to get this treat with breakfast. (Why not add some sugar water to the sugar wheat they eat for breakfast?) Two more "yeses" with more delight.

This pattern continued throughout the morning. Not surprisingly, more time focused on the kids, their needs, and their delights meant more time in the present moment, less time on my phone, and more delight all around.

Happy on our walk - Sean even let Seth ride the board!

The practice of more "yeses" and giving the kids more time to transition also transformed the walk to the playground. I found myself more patient, more attentive to moments of potential delight for Elena and the boys, and more able to enjoy the energy they bring to a walk!

The playground brought more numerous opportunities for "yeses" as the kids split in three different directions. Sean immediately invited me to come and play with him the sand. Usually it would have gone something like this:

"No Sean. Daddy has to help Elena. I will come to you after I help Elena." You can safely read in a tone of annoyance with Sean. (Why would he ask me to play with him when I clearly need to help Elena?) But today went differently:

"Yes Sean, I will be with you in a moment! Just need to help Elena quickly." This was a totally different experience for me, and I suspect for Sean too! It took no extra energy from me, gave Sean a "yes" and everything went smoothly.

"Yeses" at the playground led to taking jackets off, playing in the sand pit with all three kids, jumping from rock to rock with Sean, scootering with Elena (kind of), soccer with Seth, breaking ice with Sean, frisbee with Seth, snacks with Seth and Elena, and Elena sliding down backwards on the big slide. Once again, there was delight all around!

Throughout the day, I found that "yes" often took less energy than a "no" and ended with more joyful behavior for the small humans and this bigger one. The last "yes" for this post ended with doing something I haven't done in two years!

We have been listening to some music from LINKS - a band my brother Mike plays in and does the sound engineering for. Check out "On the Dance Floor" on Spotify! Check out the kids reaction to the music below.

Sean, hearing the horns, asked if daddy could play his trombone. Again, I hesitated with the "yes", but recognized there was no good reason not to! The "yes" was a little harder when Sean wanted to play himself, but brought deeper joy.

We started with Sean blowing on the mouthpiece and he got a good buzz! It was delightful to watch him arch his shoulder back and attack the unsuspecting piece of metal with force! He then got to make a sound on the whole trombone, even moving the slide. I hadn't gotten the trombone out in perhaps more than 2 years! I'm glad Sean asked for it, and glad I was practicing "yeses" today!

Which brings me back to the question I started with: would saying "yes" to delight for them contribute to my own delight? Unequivocally YES. Now I want to practice this "yes" posture every day of the week. Why just limit it to Sabbath?