The time Emily left me speechless. DIP 4

“Sometimes I feel like the kids and I just get in your way.” Em had waited for the right moment to share this.

The words hit me like a slap across the face. However, as Proverbs 27:6 says, “the wounds of a friend are faithful…” With my face and my heart still stinging, I let these words sink in. This sentence, spoken in love, was one of two key factors in my wakeup call last year. (The other factor was Sean sleeping very poorly for 6+ months, but that’s a story for another time.)

My kids don't get in the way of true life. Life with them is true life.

It was a wakeup call to be a different kind of parent. I’m realizing now it’s also a wakeup call to be a different kind of person. There’s not a "parent-mode" switch somewhere in my heart for patience, kindness, goodness, and love. That fruit is either growing all the time, or withering without the proper nutrients.

Running stroller parenting in the winter!

I often joke that running with my kids is my favorite kind of parenting: the kids are strapped in, they’re not going anywhere and I get to do exactly what I want – Run! I’ve further justified running with the kids because it gives Emily some space away from all three kids. However, I’m realizing “running stroller parenting” is my preferred mode of parenting all the time.

Can’t the kids do what I want them to do, when I want them to do it, in the way I want them to do it? Oh, also without whining, hitting, or stomping/dragging your feet. When I write this, I wonder if Seth is penning a blog post somewhere at this same moment: “Why can’t my dad do what I want him to do, when I want him to do it, in the way I want him to do it?”

If I’m honest, I want parenting to be easy for me. I want minimal emotional and physical needs from Seth, Sean, and Elena. And when they have those needs, I really want them to take care of it themselves. Not only is this ridiculously unreasonable, this is also not the type of parent/person I want to be.

I want my kids to know they are safe, loved, valued, and able to fully be themselves. I want Seth, Sean, and Elena to grow, develop, and flourish as little humans and as they become bigger humans. I long for Seth’s boundless energy and enthusiasm to be a blessing to many. I long for Sean’s compassionate heart and sense of humor to deeply heal others. I long for Elena’s joy and curiosity to invite others into fullness of life.

This type of flourishing doesn’t happen with running stroller parenting.

I wonder what the death of running stroller parenting looks like. How does it sound and feel different for my kids when I’m no longer satisfied for the lowest input in my parenting? How do they experience me when they’re viewed as a treasure and not a barrier to my own goals? And how might it change their experience of God the Father when their earthly father seeks to better reflect their heavenly Father?

So often something needs to die in order to create space for new life. The gift of the wake up call last year was in part a call to death. A call for a certain way of being and parenting to die, that I might live into a new way of being a dad. I don’t know what exactly this death and new life looks like in parenting. But this dad-in-progress is committed to finding out.