"You're the Best Daddy in the World!" DIP 8

From the same brain that brought you "You're the stupidest daddy in the world" comes the sequel, "You're the best daddy in the world!" Sean strikes again.

Today I'll include a quiz - choose as many as are correct, with bonus points to those who pick the winning answer from this morning. (Answer at the bottom of the post)

What actions of mine elicits the "Best daddy in the world!" out of Sean?

A - Giving Sean jellybeans for breakfast on Easter

B - Calmly diffusing tension between Seth and Sean for the 17th time this morning

C - Lifting Sean up to see excavators at a construction site

D - Putting lotion on Sean's arm

E - Giving Sean of choice of which candy to eat

F - Sharing an age appropriate theological summary of propitiation and double substitution

G - Gently holding Sean after he fell off a spinning toy at Javits playground

H - Letting Sean ride the stroller board and hold his basketball at the same time

I - Playing "Chess" with Sean

J - Letting Sean play 3 extra minutes of catch before our bedtime routine

"The Triple" - Seth and Sean on the stroller board and Elena out in front

While I am tempted to take Sean's comments about me being the "stupidest daddy in the world" to heart, I don't think I've ever taken this encouraging comment to heart in quite the same way. Surely it's as logically unlikely as me being the stupidest daddy in the world. Sean did not take an hour out of his recently unbooked toddler life to do some rational deductions and weighing of factors that would lead to me possibly being the best daddy. Of course not!

So why would I be less likely to believe Sean was he expresses his joy? Perhaps this video of Sean helps give some context!

Sean gives both answers. While his assessment of my skill and wisdom level as a father is mainly based on his strong emotions in the moment, what he says strikes me as truer than I would desire. Sometimes I am a stupid daddy, but hopefully not THE stupidest. And sometimes I a version of "the best daddy." Both of these exist within me.

There are moments (hopefully increasing in frequency) of compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, and patience (Colossians 3:12). I love these moments and not surprisingly the kids love them too. My heart is warm towards my kids, I'm fully present, and in tune with their hearts and desires. Laughter, joy, tears, and disappointment can all exist in this space where love and grace are a foundation. Even if their behavior is challenging, I'm able to stick with them and live out love.

There are also moments (hopefully decreasing in frequency) of heartlessness, meanness, harshness, pride, and impatience. The turmoil within me is contagious for my kids and everyone is brought down. If their behavior is good, there will be a momentary calm, but the chaos is right below the surface. I don't think Sean's description of "stupidest" is the most accurate term, but it's close given his vocabulary. I'm not acting intelligently, or lovingly. A friend of mine's daughter called this "bad daddy." Sounds about right.

Two realities give me deep hope - one scientific and one spiritual (I wouldn't necessary divide the two, but that's for another time!). First, the brain is plastic and constantly changing. As long as I continue a pattern of moving towards my children in love and connecting with them after damaging interactions, their brains and hearts will learn love. They will grow a solid connection with me and know deep within themselves that daddy is good, loving, and safe.

Secondly God's grace is real, needed, and transformative. I find myself tempted to stew in my missteps, failures, and shortcomings. God's gift of grace, in this case towards my sinful parenting tendencies, calls me into life and freedom; not self flagellation. Receiving this grace even starts a virtuous cycle as it naturally invites me back towards compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, and patience with myself.

Once I learn to do that for myself, I'm able to much more fully extend this freedom and life to my children. It's not just words I read in an ancient text, but something alive and active in me. If you're curious (or have wisdom) about this dynamic as a parent, I would love to talk!

I hope each day includes multiple moments for my kids to see grace filled daddy and delight in a small refraction of God's unconditional love.

Sean's happy face!

Answers from the quiz above - This morning it was lotion on the arm that elicited "best daddy in the world!" For the record, I did not prompt or prime this statement in my conscious knowledge! The other correct answers are: E and J!